欲言又止

曾經，文字是我最好的朋友；如今，它與我之間越行越遠。開心、難過，我都再也無法用文字來表達。每一篇文章，提了筆，卻不曉得該怎麼繼續。是詞窮了嗎？是感覺不再了嗎？

步步難

我說

去亦難 留亦難 怎麼難

走出這一步

踏出去 就再也沒有回頭路

前途 錢途 茫茫前路

沒有付出 哪來收成

付出的代價 就是要捨得

所有事情 有捨才有得

只是。。。

这，就是人生!

过去的1.5年内，经历了太多太多的变化。一次又一次的喪亲之痛，令早已把内心封闭的我，更为与世隔绝。

这些日子以来，我都是选择沉默，然而，缄默并不代表我不痛。我不说，因为太明白即使说了，又有多少人会懂? 最痛的，都经已体验了，对我而言，人生中，没有什么是过不去了。生命实在太脆弱，而我们总习惯性地说'等一下',可有时候，'等一下'会化成'来不及'，'来不及' 就只能空留遗憾。

2013年的夏天，那一场令我招架不住的转变，全赖宗教信仰的寄托，才能一步步的走出阴霾。有再多的遗憾，有多痛，有多伤。。。也无能为力挽回些什么，再多的不舍，也只能放手。就只有放手，才能继续往前走。

年初，再一次见证人生无常，手机里再多一个永远无法拨通的电话号码。

最近的夏天，另一场诀别，我已经无言以对。生老病死，这就是人生，然而，有些人并没有真正地老去，却病了，走了。今世缘分尽了，若真有另一空间的存在，那就只能期待将来的哪一天，那一天再见。

恩怨情仇，在那一刻，一切都灰飞烟灭。因果循环，谁欠了谁的债，在那一刻，这一生，就到此为止了。还未偿还的，就由上天安排，是否来生再续吧。

有些记忆，不需要刻意去惦记，却永远也不会忘记。不刻意去想起，不刻意去提起，因为伤口还是会痛，泪还是会流，心依旧不舍。

时间，是疗伤的良药，这是真的。它能平复伤痛，却不会冲淡记忆。我还记得过去，那一段最美的成长岁月。我不曾忘记，那快乐的童年。成长，最悲哀的是，看着身边的长辈渐渐老去/离去，却无能为力去停住时间的脚步。这，就是人生。

Interview

Among all the interviews that I had attended, the one impressed me the most was the job offered by Astro.
Stepped in the Astro lobby, I could feel am one step closer to the unrealistic dream. That interview was different if compared with those bank, factory interviews. I was  encouraged to share about life stories, my dreams... It was an extremely unforgettable experience. And i could really felt the enthusiasm of the staffs.

Though it happened 2 years ago, but am still wondering did i make a rational desicion.
It was really uneasy for me to let go the chance. It was rather hard for me to reject the opportunity. They gave me five days to make consideration. 'Yes' or 'No', I was the one who telling them, the one making final decision.

However, I didn't grab it, I chose to stay instead of going there based on some reasons.

Do I regret? No, not regret, just pain.

浪漫的事

同事告半天假返家顾孩子，两句钟后，丈夫来电询问。她，没有返家，拨她手机十多次，接通了却没有回应。丈夫着急不已。挂上电话，同事纷纷拨电寻找她的下落。却徒劳无功。
丈夫又来电，要求到停车场查看她的车子是否仍停在那儿。有人目睹她开车离去，丈夫更加失措了。
丈夫再来电，说要报警。同事阻止，才失踪两小时，案件哪受理？要丈夫等待到五时。丈夫说：“再等待，她可能被卖到泰国了。”
一阵风波后，她来电，原来她到发廊弄头发，而手机不晓得掉到哪儿，因此没有回答。事件告一段落。

一丝甜蜜温暖的感觉涌上心头，爱情哪儿需要奢侈的玫瑰、无谓的甜言蜜语。像同事丈夫这般真情流露，大家都感受到那份爱意和在乎。她是幸福的女人，豪宅名车，再加上丈夫那深深的爱，夫复何求？多少女生会有这样的福气呢？耐心等待吧。

要简单

我，很简单，很简单。
衣着，简单得令人惊悚；打扮，简单得令人惊吓。
不随波逐流，不懂高尚，不识名牌。。。从来，都觉得自己是小家碧玉，大家闺秀，与我扯不上关系。
人，是是非的滋生者。看见别人不比己好，就多踩几脚；看见别人比己好，就加盐添醋，把对方的名声弄糟。。。
无谓的人言，人言可畏，使生活变得不简单。勾心斗角，累加累。
不爱名牌，请不要逼自己去欣赏，假时尚。名牌对我而言，称不上什么，纯碎为了跟上潮流，纯碎为了向外人炫耀，何必呢？
我，童心未泯吧。收到一只翻版愤怒鸟，我的笑容会灿烂过收到任何一份昂贵的礼物。这，是幼稚，但，不是比较踏实吗？
赤子之心，是难能可贵的。也许无法融入这大染缸，可是人不是常说，简单就是快乐吗？反正无法控制旁人的言论，我行我素，我简单，我快乐，就好了。

1st Step In My Dream House

Finally, visited the 3.5 mil fully furnished super condo. End up with a bit disappointment. Not b'cause m just able to see but not afford to buy, that's definitely...
It's b'cause the house not as spacious as I thought, the furnishing could be better and the sea view... Something not right.

Imagination is always more beautiful than the reality.

Each unit per floor, private pool and garden, total 29 units and only 2 units available now.
As per the sales executive, just 1 unit sold to foreigner, the rest bought by local millionaires. Woah, there're a lot of rich people here.
Hmm... For me, work for life and just able to get this 5,025 sqft condo in my dream. That's why it's so called Dream House.

Studying ... I'm Lazy

Boss expected me to handle few tasks at once.. Excuse me Sir, I just have 1 brain 2 hands and the salary is so unattractive... Where got motivation to work?

Exam will be held in next 2 week. Actually this exam is nothing important. The documents checking limit is based on the next exam... but... I still hope can at least get 70% to pass this test. Otherwise, boss's face will turn ashen.

I can't study. Yet to finish the questions given. People's explanation can't 100% clear my doubt. I got so many things not understand and I lazy to study!

What to do? What to do!

快乐于何方？

今晚，思绪依然停留在N年前的。。。如何令自己快乐？

为自己弄人生第一枚特制的钻石吊坠，会快乐吗？

Carat weight: 0.31, Clarity: VS–1, Colour: E (colouless), Cut: Excellent。。。

听着一大堆专业名词，没兴趣。

钻石昂贵，快乐似乎更昂贵;上等钻石难求，但快乐似乎更难求。

快乐吗？

快乐是什么？可以用钱衡量吗？是昂贵或廉宜呢？

快乐，可以是免费，可以很简单，就像今早上班前，看见天边划过一道浅浅的彩虹，我笑了。那是自然的表情，并不是为了讨好而伪装的笑脸。

一打，两打玫瑰，LV，Longchamp，Burberry…包包，H&M，GAP，Armani，Gucci，Chanel…服饰，Park Royal，32 @ The Mansion，Rendezvous，The Ship…晚餐，这一切都能让人快乐吗？微笑，是一种礼貌，却不表示乐在其中。

对于不自我了解的人而言，根本不懂得自己追求的是什么形式的快乐。

有则惜福，无则知足，快乐，也许就在弹指间。

Sawatdee Kha!

Tried to speak some Thai words... arrghh...

Yup, just afford to speak few words ONLY.
Wonder how did I manage to get an "A" in the Thai language exam during university?? I’ve returned all the knowledge to my teacher, maybe once after the exam :o))
Such a lousy student huh?!

Not My Fault

There was 1 mistake occured today but it ain't my fault at all. I shouldn't be the scapegoat.
I tried to protest my innocence. Manager asked me to get the proof. I tried hard and eventually I found it, then how? It was still considered as my mistake. This is the real working world, aint it?
I know my reasons were not firm enough... I kept saying "I don't know...", " I thought...", " I heard from senior...", " I follow the instruction..." All these reasons seemed like excuses. Ya, my senior asked me to do in that way but the manager won't blame her. He just will blame the one who do the mistake, not the one showing the way to do the mistake. I simply can't take it!
The cruelty of the workplace. When boss said you're wrong. You're wrong 'cause boss is always the right one. When boss said you have other choices besides following his instruction. You're actually no choice 'cause the only choice is don't work under your boss anymore.

这么近，那么远

一切又要回到原点
一趟旅程，一次铭心的经验
对梦的眷恋
想象，若隐若现
惆怅，更加明显

是否只要走过历练
梦，就会实现？
一声“不”的回应
梦醒时分的明天
又会有什么体验？

人啊，不应该过一天算一天
关键是：
准备好了吗？
能搁下顾虑吗？
够勇敢吗？
够坚强吗？
不后悔吗？

一小时廿分钟的时间
差一步，就是全新的开始
转变就在眼前
感性的想，是这么的近
理性的想，是那么的远
。。。。。。。。。。。。
无言

Too Careless!

Today suppose be a relaxing day though the job volume is high, there was no special or weird case. However I made an mistake and spoiled the day.
I wonder what would happen tomorrow? Could the KL team assists me without blaming? Would Thailand team treat it as nothing? What explanation could I give if being escalated??
Seniors could do nothing to save this situation but I'm grateful that they didn't blame on me. They tried to console me not to be worry and don't fail to fall in sleep tonight.
This is not the first time I made such huge mistake. Last time didn't get scolded by seniors and this time, either. However I felt extremely guilty for this latest mistake. It could be prevented and it could be solved without being carried forward. The situation suppose won't be too bad... But I let mistake bred mistake. My irresponsibility made it became worse.
Stupidity might be acceptable but negligence will never be forgivable. Take this lesson and never repeat! Every mistake just made it once, ENOUGH. I might not a smart girl and the level of intelligence is out of my control. But at least there's one thing I can do, which is stop being careless.

A Trial

Irrational decision, irrational decision, I made an irrational decision. How?
Am feeling guilty but I still made it. Waste time (not only mine), waste energy and waste money... And if the real purpose of my decision is being disclosed, woah, I couldn't imagine how terrible is the outcome.
Don't know what to wish myself. Good luck. For what? Whatever the results is, there's only 1 conclusion which I've already made.
I know I did wrong. What am doing just to satisfy my caprice.
Whatsoever. Just take it as a trial, just treat it as an experience, once in a lifetime.
"Grab a chance and you won't be sorry for a might-have-been."

Shhh... Can't let those I drag in trouble to reveal my intention. :-P