Not My Fault

There was 1 mistake occured today but it ain't my fault at all. I shouldn't be the scapegoat.
I tried to protest my innocence. Manager asked me to get the proof. I tried hard and eventually I found it, then how? It was still considered as my mistake. This is the real working world, aint it?
I know my reasons were not firm enough... I kept saying "I don't know...", " I thought...", " I heard from senior...", " I follow the instruction..." All these reasons seemed like excuses. Ya, my senior asked me to do in that way but the manager won't blame her. He just will blame the one who do the mistake, not the one showing the way to do the mistake. I simply can't take it!
The cruelty of the workplace. When boss said you're wrong. You're wrong 'cause boss is always the right one. When boss said you have other choices besides following his instruction. You're actually no choice 'cause the only choice is don't work under your boss anymore.

这么近，那么远

一切又要回到原点
一趟旅程，一次铭心的经验
对梦的眷恋
想象，若隐若现
惆怅，更加明显

是否只要走过历练
梦，就会实现？
一声“不”的回应
梦醒时分的明天
又会有什么体验？

人啊，不应该过一天算一天
关键是：
准备好了吗？
能搁下顾虑吗？
够勇敢吗？
够坚强吗？
不后悔吗？

一小时廿分钟的时间
差一步，就是全新的开始
转变就在眼前
感性的想，是这么的近
理性的想，是那么的远
。。。。。。。。。。。。
无言

Too Careless!

Today suppose be a relaxing day though the job volume is high, there was no special or weird case. However I made an mistake and spoiled the day.
I wonder what would happen tomorrow? Could the KL team assists me without blaming? Would Thailand team treat it as nothing? What explanation could I give if being escalated??
Seniors could do nothing to save this situation but I'm grateful that they didn't blame on me. They tried to console me not to be worry and don't fail to fall in sleep tonight.
This is not the first time I made such huge mistake. Last time didn't get scolded by seniors and this time, either. However I felt extremely guilty for this latest mistake. It could be prevented and it could be solved without being carried forward. The situation suppose won't be too bad... But I let mistake bred mistake. My irresponsibility made it became worse.
Stupidity might be acceptable but negligence will never be forgivable. Take this lesson and never repeat! Every mistake just made it once, ENOUGH. I might not a smart girl and the level of intelligence is out of my control. But at least there's one thing I can do, which is stop being careless.

A Trial

Irrational decision, irrational decision, I made an irrational decision. How?
Am feeling guilty but I still made it. Waste time (not only mine), waste energy and waste money... And if the real purpose of my decision is being disclosed, woah, I couldn't imagine how terrible is the outcome.
Don't know what to wish myself. Good luck. For what? Whatever the results is, there's only 1 conclusion which I've already made.
I know I did wrong. What am doing just to satisfy my caprice.
Whatsoever. Just take it as a trial, just treat it as an experience, once in a lifetime.
"Grab a chance and you won't be sorry for a might-have-been."

Shhh... Can't let those I drag in trouble to reveal my intention. :-P

Reading Is For Pleasure, Not Pressure

Hmm... I think I became a spendthrift. I enjoy buying books......and keep them in my bookshelves to display.
Few months ago, I bought 3 books - , "Letters To Sam", "The Lovely Bones" and "10 Simple Truths That Will Set You Free Your Mind". I completed the 1st one within few days, the others yet to finish and I wonder could I finish it within this year?
Today I went to BORDERS and planned to buy 2 books - "I Think, Therefore I Laugh" and "Death Benefits". Unfortunately both of them out of stock and have to wait about 2 months if wanna make an order. I didn't order them... However, I like the services provided by that shop assistant. She was so helpful and so nice. She thought I'm a Psychology student since I search for such kinda books. :=)
Finally I bought a Chinese book from Popular "幸福就像狗尾巴 The Tales Of Bliss". Will those 55 different stories sharing in the book inspire me? Actually I always understood the principle of the reality but I just failed to carry out practically.
I believe am able to finish reading this new book within this weekend. The next book I gonna complete is.......

想要。不能要

有一些东西，很想要，可当你有机会要的时候，就会发现到自己究竟能不能够要？可不可以要？应不应该要？
理想，看见了，却无法伸手将它握住。理想，不可思议地出现一线曙光，但感觉上却是那么的遥不可及，那种距离甚至是相较之前眼前一片漆黑时，更为遥远。因为那时候完全看不见方向，可以有好多想象，而如今看见了方向，也认清了现实，承认走不进那一个未来，连想象都随即烟消云散。
想要勇敢地去闯，想去看世界的模样。那一刻，梦想真的很靠近，只要点一点头，也许一切就会不一样。可惜，惊喜没有蒙蔽理智，与此同时，仍然清楚眼前的路有太多荆棘，而会被沿途荆棘所伤的不只是追梦之人而已，是包括此人最亲的家人。牵挂，是一种牵绊，一种从来没有对错的负担。
从来不曾真正分析“想要”和“能够要”之间的差距，自以为是“能够要”是只要别人给予机会，就理所当然的能够接受。直到机会降临，才唤醒梦中人，看清现实并不如想象般简单，有些东西，不是说你想要，别人愿意给，你就可以心无旁骛地接受。有些梦的重量，是某些人提不起的。
曾听说：要或不要，决定权在于你自己。其实，并不然。有些事情是无法割舍、有些人是放不下的，“鱼与熊掌是不可兼得”。现实和梦想往往是背道而驰，现实中有太多顾虑，通往梦想的旅途是要经历很多的舍弃。“创造机会的人是天才；把握机会的人是庸才；放弃机会的人是蠢材”。当不上天才是理所当然，可至少会是庸才，却偏偏还是继续当蠢材。
不清醒下做的决定，被一通意料之外的电话惊醒，做了异常清醒下的选择。。。这会是将来人生中很深很深的遗憾吗？
握着手上的资料，无言以对。若回答一句“I can make it”是如此心虚；若回答一句“I can't make it”，是如此沉重。又再想起那一句“人生几何，好不容易遇上这样的年代，赶快来为自己做一些事情，”做一些事情？能做些什么事情？机会遇上了，不怕吃苦，却怕牵连旁人一起吃苦。
冲动是恶魔，是私心，不停地说“想要、我要！”理智是天使，是道德，重复地说“不能要、不应该要！”开不了口，还是得压抑心痛、强忍泪水地说：我不要！我做不到！

一个人的办公室

这个周六的办公室很安静，庞大的空间就只有我一人。那种感觉嘛，很宁静，很适合沉淀在这儿工作三个月以来的情绪。
从落地窗户看出去，就是瞭望无际的的大海，这是我在平日无暇也无心好好欣赏的景色。
我很喜欢目前的座位，犹如一位同事所言：远离是非、与世无争的好位置。
可惜啊，即将迁移到新的位置了。愿风水还是一样好吧！