Studying ... I'm Lazy

Boss expected me to handle few tasks at once.. Excuse me Sir, I just have 1 brain 2 hands and the salary is so unattractive... Where got motivation to work?

Exam will be held in next 2 week. Actually this exam is nothing important. The documents checking limit is based on the next exam... but... I still hope can at least get 70% to pass this test. Otherwise, boss's face will turn ashen.

I can't study. Yet to finish the questions given. People's explanation can't 100% clear my doubt. I got so many things not understand and I lazy to study!

What to do? What to do!

快乐于何方？

今晚，思绪依然停留在N年前的。。。如何令自己快乐？

为自己弄人生第一枚特制的钻石吊坠，会快乐吗？

Carat weight: 0.31, Clarity: VS–1, Colour: E (colouless), Cut: Excellent。。。

听着一大堆专业名词，没兴趣。

钻石昂贵，快乐似乎更昂贵;上等钻石难求，但快乐似乎更难求。

快乐吗？

快乐是什么？可以用钱衡量吗？是昂贵或廉宜呢？

快乐，可以是免费，可以很简单，就像今早上班前，看见天边划过一道浅浅的彩虹，我笑了。那是自然的表情，并不是为了讨好而伪装的笑脸。

一打，两打玫瑰，LV，Longchamp，Burberry…包包，H&M，GAP，Armani，Gucci，Chanel…服饰，Park Royal，32 @ The Mansion，Rendezvous，The Ship…晚餐，这一切都能让人快乐吗？微笑，是一种礼貌，却不表示乐在其中。

对于不自我了解的人而言，根本不懂得自己追求的是什么形式的快乐。

有则惜福，无则知足，快乐，也许就在弹指间。

Sawatdee Kha!

Tried to speak some Thai words... arrghh...

Yup, just afford to speak few words ONLY.
Wonder how did I manage to get an "A" in the Thai language exam during university?? I’ve returned all the knowledge to my teacher, maybe once after the exam :o))
Such a lousy student huh?!

Not My Fault

There was 1 mistake occured today but it ain't my fault at all. I shouldn't be the scapegoat.
I tried to protest my innocence. Manager asked me to get the proof. I tried hard and eventually I found it, then how? It was still considered as my mistake. This is the real working world, aint it?
I know my reasons were not firm enough... I kept saying "I don't know...", " I thought...", " I heard from senior...", " I follow the instruction..." All these reasons seemed like excuses. Ya, my senior asked me to do in that way but the manager won't blame her. He just will blame the one who do the mistake, not the one showing the way to do the mistake. I simply can't take it!
The cruelty of the workplace. When boss said you're wrong. You're wrong 'cause boss is always the right one. When boss said you have other choices besides following his instruction. You're actually no choice 'cause the only choice is don't work under your boss anymore.

这么近，那么远

一切又要回到原点
一趟旅程，一次铭心的经验
对梦的眷恋
想象，若隐若现
惆怅，更加明显

是否只要走过历练
梦，就会实现？
一声“不”的回应
梦醒时分的明天
又会有什么体验？

人啊，不应该过一天算一天
关键是：
准备好了吗？
能搁下顾虑吗？
够勇敢吗？
够坚强吗？
不后悔吗？

一小时廿分钟的时间
差一步，就是全新的开始
转变就在眼前
感性的想，是这么的近
理性的想，是那么的远
。。。。。。。。。。。。
无言

Too Careless!

Today suppose be a relaxing day though the job volume is high, there was no special or weird case. However I made an mistake and spoiled the day.
I wonder what would happen tomorrow? Could the KL team assists me without blaming? Would Thailand team treat it as nothing? What explanation could I give if being escalated??
Seniors could do nothing to save this situation but I'm grateful that they didn't blame on me. They tried to console me not to be worry and don't fail to fall in sleep tonight.
This is not the first time I made such huge mistake. Last time didn't get scolded by seniors and this time, either. However I felt extremely guilty for this latest mistake. It could be prevented and it could be solved without being carried forward. The situation suppose won't be too bad... But I let mistake bred mistake. My irresponsibility made it became worse.
Stupidity might be acceptable but negligence will never be forgivable. Take this lesson and never repeat! Every mistake just made it once, ENOUGH. I might not a smart girl and the level of intelligence is out of my control. But at least there's one thing I can do, which is stop being careless.

A Trial

Irrational decision, irrational decision, I made an irrational decision. How?
Am feeling guilty but I still made it. Waste time (not only mine), waste energy and waste money... And if the real purpose of my decision is being disclosed, woah, I couldn't imagine how terrible is the outcome.
Don't know what to wish myself. Good luck. For what? Whatever the results is, there's only 1 conclusion which I've already made.
I know I did wrong. What am doing just to satisfy my caprice.
Whatsoever. Just take it as a trial, just treat it as an experience, once in a lifetime.
"Grab a chance and you won't be sorry for a might-have-been."

Shhh... Can't let those I drag in trouble to reveal my intention. :-P

Reading Is For Pleasure, Not Pressure

Hmm... I think I became a spendthrift. I enjoy buying books......and keep them in my bookshelves to display.
Few months ago, I bought 3 books - , "Letters To Sam", "The Lovely Bones" and "10 Simple Truths That Will Set You Free Your Mind". I completed the 1st one within few days, the others yet to finish and I wonder could I finish it within this year?
Today I went to BORDERS and planned to buy 2 books - "I Think, Therefore I Laugh" and "Death Benefits". Unfortunately both of them out of stock and have to wait about 2 months if wanna make an order. I didn't order them... However, I like the services provided by that shop assistant. She was so helpful and so nice. She thought I'm a Psychology student since I search for such kinda books. :=)
Finally I bought a Chinese book from Popular "幸福就像狗尾巴 The Tales Of Bliss". Will those 55 different stories sharing in the book inspire me? Actually I always understood the principle of the reality but I just failed to carry out practically.
I believe am able to finish reading this new book within this weekend. The next book I gonna complete is.......

想要。不能要

有一些东西，很想要，可当你有机会要的时候，就会发现到自己究竟能不能够要？可不可以要？应不应该要？
理想，看见了，却无法伸手将它握住。理想，不可思议地出现一线曙光，但感觉上却是那么的遥不可及，那种距离甚至是相较之前眼前一片漆黑时，更为遥远。因为那时候完全看不见方向，可以有好多想象，而如今看见了方向，也认清了现实，承认走不进那一个未来，连想象都随即烟消云散。
想要勇敢地去闯，想去看世界的模样。那一刻，梦想真的很靠近，只要点一点头，也许一切就会不一样。可惜，惊喜没有蒙蔽理智，与此同时，仍然清楚眼前的路有太多荆棘，而会被沿途荆棘所伤的不只是追梦之人而已，是包括此人最亲的家人。牵挂，是一种牵绊，一种从来没有对错的负担。
从来不曾真正分析“想要”和“能够要”之间的差距，自以为是“能够要”是只要别人给予机会，就理所当然的能够接受。直到机会降临，才唤醒梦中人，看清现实并不如想象般简单，有些东西，不是说你想要，别人愿意给，你就可以心无旁骛地接受。有些梦的重量，是某些人提不起的。
曾听说：要或不要，决定权在于你自己。其实，并不然。有些事情是无法割舍、有些人是放不下的，“鱼与熊掌是不可兼得”。现实和梦想往往是背道而驰，现实中有太多顾虑，通往梦想的旅途是要经历很多的舍弃。“创造机会的人是天才；把握机会的人是庸才；放弃机会的人是蠢材”。当不上天才是理所当然，可至少会是庸才，却偏偏还是继续当蠢材。
不清醒下做的决定，被一通意料之外的电话惊醒，做了异常清醒下的选择。。。这会是将来人生中很深很深的遗憾吗？
握着手上的资料，无言以对。若回答一句“I can make it”是如此心虚；若回答一句“I can't make it”，是如此沉重。又再想起那一句“人生几何，好不容易遇上这样的年代，赶快来为自己做一些事情，”做一些事情？能做些什么事情？机会遇上了，不怕吃苦，却怕牵连旁人一起吃苦。
冲动是恶魔，是私心，不停地说“想要、我要！”理智是天使，是道德，重复地说“不能要、不应该要！”开不了口，还是得压抑心痛、强忍泪水地说：我不要！我做不到！

一个人的办公室

这个周六的办公室很安静，庞大的空间就只有我一人。那种感觉嘛，很宁静，很适合沉淀在这儿工作三个月以来的情绪。
从落地窗户看出去，就是瞭望无际的的大海，这是我在平日无暇也无心好好欣赏的景色。
我很喜欢目前的座位，犹如一位同事所言：远离是非、与世无争的好位置。
可惜啊，即将迁移到新的位置了。愿风水还是一样好吧！

Tiresome Saturday

I think I'm gonna to become ill soon.
This morning before gone to the office, my mind was sunny. After sitting in front of the computer looking at the reports... Dizzy+dizzy+dizzy! Almost collapse in the restroom.
I wondered was it 'cause I lack of sleep? During weekdays I couldn't sleep tight and nearly skipped lunch everyday... My weight has been decreased. Good news huh? Yup, it's the only good news for me right now but when I looked at my face... Become pale day after day. First time, feel a bit heartache about myself.

转载

前天，在某报章读到一篇对我而言很有意思的文章。题目是《有一种爱情叫宁缺勿滥》。

世界上有种爱情叫“宁缺勿滥”。这种爱情不一定100%完美。
对爱情宁缺勿滥的人也不一定有多优秀、多挑剔，他们只是在等待相遇，遇见那个他们要遇见的人，相爱并且适合的人。
他们要找的也未必是优秀、大家眼中100%的完美情人。
尽管现在的社会已经不流行宁缺勿滥，而是宁滥勿缺，骑牛找马的男女满街都有；但某处角落里，依然有人坚守宁缺勿滥的爱情。
或许你替他们常错过美好时光而可惜；也认为他们就像故事中的小和尚采玉蜀黍那样，走过了没有回头路。
宁缺勿滥的人不是稀罕他们在农庄里有没有采到玉蜀黍，他们要的玉蜀黍没有出现，其他再大再美再甜的玉蜀黍也不能让他们动心。
你可以说他们滥清高，别人永远无法体会他们对宁缺勿滥的坚持，他们希望自己的每一段情都是自己刻骨铭心的回忆，更会因为要寻找一份真爱而执著和等待，哪怕是用一生。
他们坚持爱情，宁缺勿滥。因为一个人寂寞，好过两个人的烦恼。
特别是女人，宁缺勿滥，爱情路上跌少点，伤轻点。
成为“剩女”并不可怕，可怕的是女人因为與论压力害怕孤独终老，而忙慌慌把自己嫁出去，以为如此一来便一了百了无后顾之忧了，殊不知，却是为今后的生活埋下“痛苦”的隐患。
恋爱、结婚、生儿育女，真的是女人应该经历的人生过程吗？很多女人为了“完成”而去“履行”这样的人生。
人人爱说，没有鱼，虾也好，然而，很多时候我们看到的，没有鱼，虾也不见得好。
宁缺勿滥到底，说不定最后龙虾会出现。

龙虾岂会那么容易遇见和拥有呢？天时、地利、人和，才能遇见自己认为对的人吧。感觉对了，面包和爱情兼具了，就是所谓的幸福吗？

加油！

“天将降大任于斯人也，必先苦其心志，劳其筋骨，饿其体肤，空乏其身，行拂乱其所为。”
这一次再也不可轻言放弃了，吃苦了苦，苦尽甘来。我必须坚持下去，我一定要忍!

想回到过去（一）

这一个早晨，偷溜出工作岗位，到Gurney Drive看日出，再到Youth Park去走走。
Youth Park，一个留有我成长足迹的地方。

小时候，家人经常会带我到那儿拿花生喂猴子。那时候，Youth Park非常简陋，大部份时间，我们都坐在停车场观赏成群结队的猴子，然后再到食堂去坐坐，而我总是买那儿最贵的冰淇淋。

这里的空气真的很清新，可以让思绪变得安定。这是从前没有的感受，因为童年时候没有烦恼，没有多余的思绪。。。自从Youth Park变装后，我都不曾和家人一起踏足这里了。十多年后，这里变漂亮了，我的家人却变苍老了。以前是家人载我来，如今是我自己驾车来。多么感触啊！是否有一天，我们会一起旧地重游呢？不太可能了吧。

写到这里，眼泪不自禁滑落了。一切历历在目。。。
小时候的我真的很幸福，要风地风，要雨得雨，因为我拥有最疼爱我的家人。
我的所有都是他们给我的，是他们呵护我长大的。
无论有多少流言蜚语，都不曾改变这份亲情，这是我一生最珍贵的回忆。
大学第一年第一学期，第一次离开家里住在大学宿舍，几乎每一个傍晚都会分别接到两通电话，那是一份感动、一份温暖。妈妈对我的爱，一早就了解，可干爹原来是真的那么关心我的，那时才深深领悟。。。表面上看似不存在的，一直都存在着。对我的好，我全都感受得到的。。。